How To Love

It’s funny how I lie in bed as if you were still here. I crawl in and rest my head on the pillow closest to the spring air. I stretch my cold toes into the bottom left corner, I nuzzle my face into the blankets that once touched your bare skin, I let the brisk and forgiving wind brush away my tears, and I feel your touch as if it weren’t miles away. I’ve seen heaven; I’ve seen hell too. This life is too precious to be without you. There is no guidebook on how to love; I don’t know what else to call this feeling from above.

A few generations back

The rocking chair against the chestnut rug, she called my head to meet her beating hug. Bellied chuckles that roll through living rooms, she rests on breathing flowers, the rain has bloomed, the singing clocks who greet the noontime sun, her photographs dance, memories have run… I don’t want to believe in a long time ago, only moments that mean something, and those that don’t. When I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, your scent finds me and my heart finds your chest.


In the midst of sunny days, my light bulbs were out. My heart led my feet to find your doorstep in doubt, Ajar, I wandered around your sunlit room. Both the moon and the sun have woken and slept, Yet I remain as the flowers recollect.

Another chapter

Learning to reestablish, Sinking down from the surface To the bottom on the sand. I will swim up to the waves.

My little sister,

Sixteen will have moments when black printed words consume your vision and appetite, when smiling faces blur into phantoms lurking the halls, when the insides of your eyelids become your favorite view. And my love, that’s okay. Sixteen will have moments when your thoughts dance into a sea of memories, when experiences push you forward, you will begin to learn that life makes mistakes.

Some type of prayer,

Who invented dialect if the Light does not speak? The Quran, the Bible, the Torah: descended from Above (?) You have institutionalized the Father, the Temple is lavished in gold. Still your neighbor waits on the sidewalk. She reaches out, and asks for Bread. The Light is up there laughing, as Adam’s family tries to control the Souls of all the people, the young fed by the Old.

The Last

The Last by CL Late at night I think of the ones I love So real now But for how long Unpredictable futures Darkness enters Water exits Rebirth forgotten I see my life moving on Theirs ending Refusing to accept that We all take our last breath Inevitable Anticipation destroying Precious lives ticking When I can anticipate no longer I will see their eyes still Surreal now For life seems so long Bittersweet events of the past Will make my body still My eyes will smile Drifting closer until Darkness turns into light As the sun illuminates the night

The lights go out

The moment the lights go out and I unfold my legs under the sheets, I long to feel you beside me. I wrap my arms around sweatshirts and old stuffed animals, or I stretch my limbs to cover every possible inch of the bed. No position seems to replace your presence ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I shut my eyes and imagine your breathing my ear to your chest, your heart beating softly but surely, my cheek nuzzled into your breast, my arms wrapped around your belly. The feeling of your skin comes back to me soft, warm, unscathed. I long to feel your lips press into my forehead, your hands brush through my hair ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every morning I wake up on your side of the bed. Your pillow isn’t nearly as comfortable as mine but I stay there as I drift in and out and the morning light wafts in. One day closer to


Falling in love. Dancing in love? Flying in love? Sleeping in love? Breathing in love? Falling. Losing control with the trust of landing upright eventually. We all fall. When we learn to walk, when we drink too much, when our bodies grow old.     I’ve fallen unexpectedly. Leading to hysterical laughter, confounding pain, and a long journey ahead of strengthening and healing.         I’ve fallen knowingly. Learning to snowboard, or skydiving over my hometown. Excitement and experiences overshadowed the risk. When I fell for her, I had no authority, no grasp of reality. She provided me laughter and pain, she healed all of my broken memories, strengthened me for the road ahead. Led me to know what love felt like, excitement and comfort, experience and grounding. Falling. Losing control with the trust of landing upright eventually.


[ you’re in court against yourself cowering on an uncomfortable bench, unable to oppose as a ruthless lawyer drills into you. she convinces your mind to fear everything- a bomb striking your hometown a car hitting your spouse cancer infecting your Momma and death creeping into your lungs. your muscles contract uncontrollably, steadfast shivers encompass you whole, your hands grasp onto anything definitive your jaw locks, a defense mechanism- you’re well aware that you would lose if you dare spoke up. your mind screams to run away, but where is there to ]