A few words

The Last by CL Late at night I think of the ones I love So real now But for how long Unpredictable futures Darkness enters Water exits Rebirth forgotten I see my life moving on Theirs ending Refusing to accept that We all take our last breath Inevitable Anticipation destroying Precious lives ticking When I can anticipate no longer I will see their eyes still Surreal now For life seems so long Bittersweet events of the past Will make my body still My eyes will smile Drifting closer until Darkness turns into light As the sun illuminates the night

The moment the lights go out and I unfold my legs under the sheets, I long to feel you beside me. I wrap my arms around sweatshirts and old stuffed animals, or I stretch my limbs to cover every possible inch of the bed. No position seems to replace your presence ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I shut my eyes and imagine your breathing my ear to your chest, your heart beating softly but surely, my cheek nuzzled into your breast, my arms wrapped around your belly. The feeling of your skin comes back to me soft, warm, unscathed. I long to feel your lips press into my forehead, your hands brush through my hair ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every morning I wake up on your side of the bed. Your pillow isn’t nearly as comfortable as mine but I stay there as I drift in and out and the morning light wafts in. One day closer to...

Falling in love. Dancing in love? Flying in love? Sleeping in love? Breathing in love? Falling. Losing control with the trust of landing upright eventually. We all fall. When we learn to walk, when we drink too much, when our bodies grow old.     I’ve fallen unexpectedly. Leading to hysterical laughter, confounding pain, and a long journey ahead of strengthening and healing.         I’ve fallen knowingly. Learning to snowboard, or skydiving over my hometown. Excitement and experiences overshadowed the risk. When I fell for her, I had no authority, no grasp of reality. She provided me laughter and pain, she healed all of my broken memories, strengthened me for the road ahead. Led me to know what love felt like, excitement and comfort, experience and grounding. Falling. Losing control with the trust of landing upright eventually.

[ you’re in court against yourself cowering on an uncomfortable bench, unable to oppose as a ruthless lawyer drills into you. she convinces your mind to fear everything- a bomb striking your hometown a car hitting your spouse cancer infecting your Momma and death creeping into your lungs. your muscles contract uncontrollably, steadfast shivers encompass you whole, your hands grasp onto anything definitive your jaw locks, a defense mechanism- you’re well aware that you would lose if you dare spoke up. your mind screams to run away, but where is there to ]

He chose the seat next to her, his only sign of affection: a head nod. He couldn’t bring his eyes to smile at his own daughter. He’s always been a master at bottling up emotions, a reproduction of a man only perfect for himself. If he dares to look into the eyes that resemble his own, his mind might spiral -- “that’s my girl!” the crowd roared across the wet grass she pointed to him as she turned away from the net. his smile mirrored through the rain and the referee blew the whistle. “it’s all you!” the wave peaked as she began to paddle her adrenalyn radiated off of his. he taught her to walk on water. How well those moments made him. They can’t be remade. Take a chance to look at her, feel something he’d honor how she treats her mother, he’d admire the love she has for her girlfriend, he’d be moved by the patience she’s practiced, the determination she’s gained, the understanding she’s refined, and the forgiveness she’s conquered. and he’d wish this were all just a game, he could hav...

A hummingbird gazes as her hatchling flies. Her return for the first time uncertain. My heart beats strong and my mind tells stories- I am trying to keep you in my arms. Learning to see in uncertainty. An ambiguous future with promising words. I have confidence looking outward. I will love you as a mother loves her daughter, I will marvel when you spread your wings. But call for me and I will soar beside you. I will not gaze as you fly away.

You Are my gravitational pull. I am enamored within a circus of asteroids, Fighting to touch your surface. Let me circle your bounty, I️ will spiral until the stars dance with me And their lights blur into Rembrandt’s greatest joy. Your green eyes, they are Stabilizing- Inescapable to my human soul. The one definitive in my aging heart- Life will always lead me to profess I️ love

I used to believe my biggest fear in life was Time. The tick tock of the grandfather clock Had anticipation written all over it. I used to fear that my future would run Short, But now I fear of moments without you. And maybe it’s contingent, The way I so passionately devote My life to yours. But maybe my whole life has been Leading up to you, The tick tock of my grandfather clock Had you written all over it. I am at home in your arms, When I struggle to fall asleep because Smiles and congenial touches Have to rest for a few hours. Now I wish to stop time, Existential polaroids blurred in my mind; My love, my soul is forever yours. The tick tock of your grandfather clock Has me written all over it.

Strong. I am losing my grasp on the world. Or maybe the world is losing its grasp on me. Why do I never learn? I have been here before. The ocean’s darkness will give birth to sunshine; I am made to float. Do not turn around, only move to the shore- Backtracking has no place in this life. Nothing is forever, no mind; Let go, watch this life move in uproar, I am on my own- feel the current soar. I am

It all came from people, Really. The Quran, the Bible, the Torah. Dialect: Said to have descended from Above. You have institutionalized the Father. The Most High Is holding a checkbook. The Temple Is lavished in gold. Your neighbor waits On the sidewalk. She reaches her arms Out to strangers. Hands gently cupped, She humbly asks for Bread. The Light is laughing, As Adam’s family tries To control The souls of all the people, The young fed by the old.

Sixteen will have its moments. There will be days when Words in black print consume your Vision and appetite, when Smiling faces blur into Phantoms lurking the halls, when The inside of your eyelids Become your favorite view. And, my love, that is okay. Sixteen will have moments that Turn your thoughts into a sea of memories, Experiences driving Forward, you will begin To learn that life makes mistakes.

You just have not found What you are here for, nothing Is forever, love.

The distant phone ring, Followed by the grim silence, Found my mother’s heart.

Her heart climbs into Her throat, grasping onto the Words once simply spoke.

You never learn, you have been here before, The night’s darkness giving birth to sunshine; You are falling through the winding glass floor, Your numb eyes misleading drive for finish, Your ears deafened from the icy incline; You never learn, you have been here before, Do not turn around, only move off shore- The road- no place to reverse or rewind; You are falling through the winding glass floor, Do not cry tonight, only move off shore- The sea- no place to reverse or rewind; You never learn, you have been here before, Love, you have not found what you are here for, Nothing is forever, darling, no mind; You are falling through the winding glass floor, Letting go, watching life move in uproar, You are on your own- feel the current grind. You never learn, you have been here before, You are falling through the winding glass floor.

The truth is I love you. Put it in stone and call it fact. No formula could prove me right, No formula could prove me wrong. I don’t know a lot, Who I am, what I feel, Why I am sad, why I am happy. But The sparkle in my eye at the sound of your name, The exhale from my mouth at the sound of your voice, I’ve lost words to try. I love you. That I know.

Science It just doesn’t work with our love. Millions of miles to separate us Yet I feel you hold me as I close my eyes My head hits the pillow and my heart Is heavy I love you more than I did yesterday. I will say the same words tomorrow- Somehow Though I can’t imagine loving anything more than I love you now

The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Water droplets ricochet with each hit; Its vibrations grasping for life to hold, Scraping and stinging interior sides, Searching to comfort a self induced pain; The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Rhythms pulsing through every tattered wall, Testing my foundation’s wavering strength; Its vibrations grasping for life to hold, Rain climbing upwards with each echo, Crawling through rooms, blanketing the surface; The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Deeming as though the ocean could fix me, I find myself floating in my own tears, Its vibrations grasping for life to hold; While the cause and the cure are still unknown, I try to fix myself, no hope alone. The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Its vibrations grasping for life to hold.

Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday. I used to lie awake in bed Listening to my father laugh at the television downstairs; My mother sing to the dog many years ago; I would wait awake bundled up, safe from the world; The only tears I shed were because my father took too long to kiss me goodnight; The only tears I knew to have; But I never knew what tears he shed. I still don't know. He may lie awake in bed Listening to himself laugh at the memories he threw away; I know I lie awake in mine still; I haven't been kissed goodnight since he left; I remember his love too clear; The thought ways heavy on my heart; Nights like these, my heart breaks, it breaks again and again, and again and again; My heart tightens, my body seems to contort around it, believing a hug will fix all; But time has made me wise, Experience has taught me best; And I’ve learned you can't hug yourself, you will only embrace the pain more. Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday.

The reflection of countless stars Shimmered in the dark street. Echoed through the form of tables, Empty and longing for its Inevitable visitors. The passing individuals have become Numbers, twinkling lights in the distance. The loving, the lonesome, the cross, the scared… All held stories, forgotten and left spared. Continuing their pass night to new night, As the reflection of countless stars shines so bright.