Brink of adulthood

Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday.
I used to lie awake in bed
Listening to my father laugh
at the television downstairs;
My mother sing to the dog
many years ago;
I would wait awake
bundled up, safe from the world;
The only tears I shed were
because my father took
too long to kiss me goodnight;
The only tears I knew to have;
But I never knew what tears he shed.
I still don't know.
He may lie awake in bed
Listening to himself laugh
at the memories he threw away;
I know I lie awake in mine still;
I haven't been kissed goodnight
since he left;
I remember his love too clear;
The thought ways heavy on my heart;
Nights like these, my heart breaks,
it breaks again and again,
and again and again;
My heart tightens, my body seems to
contort around it, believing a hug
will fix all;
But time has made me wise,
Experience has taught me best;
And I’ve learned you can't hug
yourself, you will only embrace
the pain more.
Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday.