A few words

The Last by CL Late at night I think of the ones I love So real now But for how long Unpredictable futures Darkness enters Water exits Rebirth forgotten I see my life moving on Theirs ending Refusing to accept that We all take our last breath Inevitable Anticipation destroying Precious lives ticking When I can anticipate no longer I will see their eyes still Surreal now For life seems so long Bittersweet events of the past Will make my body still My eyes will smile Drifting closer until Darkness turns into light As the sun illuminates the night

The moment the lights go out and I unfold my legs under the sheets, I long to feel you beside me. I wrap my arms around sweatshirts and old stuffed animals, or I stretch my limbs to cover every possible inch of the bed. No position seems to replace your presence ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I shut my eyes and imagine your breathing my ear to your chest, your heart beating softly but surely, my cheek nuzzled into your breast, my arms wrapped around your belly. The feeling of your skin comes back to me soft, warm, unscathed. I long to feel your lips press into my forehead, your hands brush through my hair ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Every morning I wake up on your side of the bed. Your pillow isn’t nearly as comfortable as mine but I stay there as I drift in and out and the morning light wafts in. One day closer to

Falling in love. Dancing in love? Flying in love? Sleeping in love? Breathing in love? Falling. Losing control with the trust of landing upright eventually. We all fall. When we learn to walk, when we drink too much, when our bodies grow old.     I’ve fallen unexpectedly. Leading to hysterical laughter, confounding pain, and a long journey ahead of strengthening and healing.         I’ve fallen knowingly. Learning to snowboard, or skydiving over my hometown. Excitement and experiences overshadowed the risk. When I fell for her, I had no authority, no grasp of reality. She provided me laughter and pain, she healed all of my broken memories, strengthened me for the road ahead. Led me to know what love felt like, excitement and comfort, experience and grounding. Falling. Losing control with the trust of landing upright eventually.

[ you’re in court against yourself cowering on an uncomfortable bench, unable to oppose as a ruthless lawyer drills into you. she convinces your mind to fear everything- a bomb striking your hometown a car hitting your spouse cancer infecting your Momma and death creeping into your lungs. your muscles contract uncontrollably, steadfast shivers encompass you whole, your hands grasp onto anything definitive your jaw locks, a defense mechanism- you’re well aware that you would lose if you dare spoke up. your mind screams to run away, but where is there to ]

He chose the seat next to her, his only sign of affection: a head nod. He couldn’t bring his eyes to smile at his own daughter. He’s always been a master at bottling up emotions, a reproduction of a man only perfect for himself. If he dares to look into the eyes that resemble his own, his mind might spiral -- “that’s my girl!” the crowd roared across the wet grass she pointed to him as she turned away from the net. his smile mirrored through the rain and the referee blew the whistle. “it’s all you!” the wave peaked as she began to paddle her adrenalyn radiated off of his. he taught her to walk on water. How well those moments made him. They can’t be remade. Take a chance to look at her, feel something he’d honor how she treats her mother, he’d admire the love she has for her girlfriend, he’d be moved by the patience she’s practiced, the determination she’s gained, the understanding she’s refined, and the forgiveness she’s conquered. and he’d wish this were all just a game, he could hav

A hummingbird gazes as her hatchling flies. Her return for the first time uncertain. My heart beats strong and my mind tells stories- I am trying to keep you in my arms. Learning to see in uncertainty. An ambiguous future with promising words. I have confidence looking outward. I will love you as a mother loves her daughter, I will marvel when you spread your wings. But call for me and I will soar beside you. I will not gaze as you fly away.

You Are my gravitational pull. I am enamored within a circus of asteroids, Fighting to touch your surface. Let me circle your bounty, I️ will spiral until the stars dance with me And their lights blur into Rembrandt’s greatest joy. Your green eyes, they are Stabilizing- Inescapable to my human soul. The one definitive in my aging heart- Life will always lead me to profess I️ love

I used to believe my biggest fear in life was Time. The tick tock of the grandfather clock Had anticipation written all over it. I used to fear that my future would run Short, But now I fear of moments without you. And maybe it’s contingent, The way I so passionately devote My life to yours. But maybe my whole life has been Leading up to you, The tick tock of my grandfather clock Had you written all over it. I am at home in your arms, When I struggle to fall asleep because Smiles and congenial touches Have to rest for a few hours. Now I wish to stop time, Existential polaroids blurred in my mind; My love, my soul is forever yours. The tick tock of your grandfather clock Has me written all over it.

Strong. I am losing my grasp on the world. Or maybe the world is losing its grasp on me. Why do I never learn? I have been here before. The ocean’s darkness will give birth to sunshine; I am made to float. Do not turn around, only move to the shore- Backtracking has no place in this life. Nothing is forever, no mind; Let go, watch this life move in uproar, I am on my own- feel the current soar. I am

It all came from people, Really. The Quran, the Bible, the Torah. Dialect: Said to have descended from Above. You have institutionalized the Father. The Most High Is holding a checkbook. The Temple Is lavished in gold. Your neighbor waits On the sidewalk. She reaches her arms Out to strangers. Hands gently cupped, She humbly asks for Bread. The Light is laughing, As Adam’s family tries To control The souls of all the people, The young fed by the old.

Sixteen will have its moments. There will be days when Words in black print consume your Vision and appetite, when Smiling faces blur into Phantoms lurking the halls, when The inside of your eyelids Become your favorite view. And, my love, that is okay. Sixteen will have moments that Turn your thoughts into a sea of memories, Experiences driving Forward, you will begin To learn that life makes mistakes.

You just have not found What you are here for, nothing Is forever, love.

The distant phone ring, Followed by the grim silence, Found my mother’s heart.

Her heart climbs into Her throat, grasping onto the Words once simply spoke.

You never learn, you have been here before, The night’s darkness giving birth to sunshine; You are falling through the winding glass floor, Your numb eyes misleading drive for finish, Your ears deafened from the icy incline; You never learn, you have been here before, Do not turn around, only move off shore- The road- no place to reverse or rewind; You are falling through the winding glass floor, Do not cry tonight, only move off shore- The sea- no place to reverse or rewind; You never learn, you have been here before, Love, you have not found what you are here for, Nothing is forever, darling, no mind; You are falling through the winding glass floor, Letting go, watching life move in uproar, You are on your own- feel the current grind. You never learn, you have been here before, You are falling through the winding glass floor.

The truth is I love you. Put it in stone and call it fact. No formula could prove me right, No formula could prove me wrong. I don’t know a lot, Who I am, what I feel, Why I am sad, why I am happy. But The sparkle in my eye at the sound of your name, The exhale from my mouth at the sound of your voice, I’ve lost words to try. I love you. That I know.

Science It just doesn’t work with our love. Millions of miles to separate us Yet I feel you hold me as I close my eyes My head hits the pillow and my heart Is heavy I love you more than I did yesterday. I will say the same words tomorrow- Somehow Though I can’t imagine loving anything more than I love you now

The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Water droplets ricochet with each hit; Its vibrations grasping for life to hold, Scraping and stinging interior sides, Searching to comfort a self induced pain; The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Rhythms pulsing through every tattered wall, Testing my foundation’s wavering strength; Its vibrations grasping for life to hold, Rain climbing upwards with each echo, Crawling through rooms, blanketing the surface; The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Deeming as though the ocean could fix me, I find myself floating in my own tears, Its vibrations grasping for life to hold; While the cause and the cure are still unknown, I try to fix myself, no hope alone. The drummer in my chest quietly booms, Its vibrations grasping for life to hold.

Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday. I used to lie awake in bed Listening to my father laugh at the television downstairs; My mother sing to the dog many years ago; I would wait awake bundled up, safe from the world; The only tears I shed were because my father took too long to kiss me goodnight; The only tears I knew to have; But I never knew what tears he shed. I still don't know. He may lie awake in bed Listening to himself laugh at the memories he threw away; I know I lie awake in mine still; I haven't been kissed goodnight since he left; I remember his love too clear; The thought ways heavy on my heart; Nights like these, my heart breaks, it breaks again and again, and again and again; My heart tightens, my body seems to contort around it, believing a hug will fix all; But time has made me wise, Experience has taught me best; And I’ve learned you can't hug yourself, you will only embrace the pain more. Tomorrow is my eighteenth birthday.

The reflection of countless stars Shimmered in the dark street. Echoed through the form of tables, Empty and longing for its Inevitable visitors. The passing individuals have become Numbers, twinkling lights in the distance. The loving, the lonesome, the cross, the scared… All held stories, forgotten and left spared. Continuing their pass night to new night, As the reflection of countless stars shines so bright.

And she was all I had ever wanted. Those green eyes turned to glisten, Her button nose succumbed cold, Breath left her body to melt. She allowed tears walk along Every pore on her forgiving face. She let the sobs be heard by Every soul in that forgiving place. And she was all I had ever wanted. Crying for the words I should, Taking on the pain I could. And she was all I had ever wanted, To feel love, to surrender.

To hold you I would do anything. Empty my bank account, Cut off relationships, Throw away my writing, Wave goodbye my future. For no one Understands how you feel. You do not Want to listen to words. Easier Spoken labeled received. I want you To witness your eyes rain, To know how It feels when dark green turns To a light, When your soul has emptied Its whole self Into nothing but weight. Embrace it. To wrap my arms around, As your core Overflows into mine. I will be. Nothing to do for the Incessant. Please just cry into me, Where my heart Longs to take on your pain.

I really just want to talk to you. Not over the phone, no. That always turns into "How are you? Tell me about your day." These are the limits distance puts on us. And that's okay, it's very okay. We are lucky enough to be able to call eachother. But, it also breaks my heart. I want to talk to you like we do in the car or when we wake up in the morning. I want to talk to you through little glances and soft touches. I want to talk to you through silences, through reading your deep green eyes. Holding you on the couch, hearing your voice from the other room, watching you dance with your friends, listening to you breath, staying by your side, feeding you as you drive, hugging your family every morning, wrapping you in my arms and feeling your heartbeat as we dream each night. I want the simplicity and pricelessness of your presence, is that too much to ask?

I miss dreaming of the future Now it won't ever come As a tear crawls down my face I'm unaware of the time of space Your presence the only thing in mind The tear tickles wet down my cheek Focusing on its path Refusing to wipe it away Evidence that you were once here More real than any photograph A tear slowly sliding away As I feel it disappear I wipe away any dew left behind Off to dreams where I can fantasize Without tears or pain Just me and you

I’ll be honest, Some days my cheeks do not rise towards the sky My lips do not follow effortless pursuit. There are nights My body doesn’t stop reaching My limbs climb to you in a desperate quest. There are mornings My eyes open in a salty ocean My mind drowns until the afternoon sun. But there will be moments When you are by my side. I’ll be honest, Those days my cheeks will meet crinkles by my eyes My lips will find yours through your graceful route. Those are nights My body will be breathing My limbs will find themselves wrapped around your chest. Those are mornings My eyes open the green of your amen My mind swims until the afternoon sun.

I could never pick a song To encompass her. No words, no rhythm, no note Could paint her justice. So pick the angel many, Inundate her with thousands, Millions of syllables To describe every piece Of her body, Every tone of her voice, Every thought through her gentle mind. Take her explorin’ When the sun smiles, When the moon sighs, When the clouds cry. Love her even after The last breath. Her songs will play on forever, Timeless as she is. They’ll stretch decades, Conquer centuries. No sculpture will be built, Yet her eyes will be felt. Her songs will be sung, And the many words, That dare to touch her, Will carry her love through time.

No, darling. Please don't fall. As her hand ran down your back. Every stroke longer and slower. Along your arm, grazing your hand. No, darling. Please don't focus. As her body whispered in your ear. Every breath deeper and louder. Through your soul, changing your heart. But, darling. Oh please, you fell. As her eyes spoke more than words. Every moment truer and softer. In your mind, welcoming your love. Yes, darling. Please keep falling. As you circle the moon. Gravity will pull you around again. No beginning, no ending. Just promise to hang onto her. Because yes, darling. You'll be falling.

The world turned orange, And all I could see was the flame. It stared into my soul, Daunting and illuminating Everything I longed to hide. My entire mind and body wanted To extinguish this flame, This evil flame, dancing in my face. I had passed the river hours ago, It was too late to walk back. I reached into my pocket To find a can of bug spray. How convenient that it followed me Into these dark woods. Without thinking, I sprayed into the flame. Anything to make it stop. The flame grew bigger, The fire spitting at my feet. I aimed at the raging red again, Only to ignite the wrath even more. This cycle of violence, This hate fighting hate, Led me nowhere. It only burned at my soul even more. I would have to trudge back Towards the river. The river that held the source Of life and rebirth. The one thing that could cure This raging flame of hatred. For I could not save myself By matching the evil that bit at me. The goodness that I once passed Was what would break me Away from this cycl

Unable to find words, Some call it writers block, I call it awe. I can't seem to capture My love for you, The beauty you exhibit. I can't seem to capture My feelings inside, The way you move. Words could never complete, Words could never even come close. But the way my heart throbs, Heavy at the sound of your voice, Genuine while looking into your eyes. Emotions coming close to an explanation, Closer than any words could Ever capture. I'm left without words.

The smell of rain and heat, engulfed darkness. I saw what I could, familiar faces. The sun was invisible, But its presence known. Humidity encompassed, Slowly sinking in. Clouds protected from the world, Dirt road companions. Dogs barking over pasillo, Neighbors' arms open. Understanding ignorance, While welcoming faith. My clenching fist fell asleep, It awoke open. With little palms inside mine, Home felt plausible. Humbly sharing young wisdom, As God held them close. The future gave no promise, As now mattered most. These brown eyes looked up to me, To shimmer in rain. I saw my own two in them, Reflecting to memories. When looking became experiencing. I left my heart where darkness developed light.

Late at night I think of the ones I love So real now But for how long Unpredictable futures Darkness enters Water exits Rebirth forgotten I see my life moving on Theirs ending Refusing to accept that We all take our last breath Inevitable Anticipation destroying Precious lives ticking When I can anticipate no longer I will see their eyes rest Surreal now For life seems so long Bittersweet events of the past Will make my body still My eyes will smile Drifting closer until Darkness turns into light As the sun illuminates the night

This green and blue A bed and breakfast to you The yellow and white The place where there is no night You wait there for me For one day soon I will be Forgetting to anticipate Ready for my soul to precipitate Meet me there How do I prepare I only know how to breath air I try to find something to expect So I treat others with love and respect Can I do more Oh please let your rains pour Shut my eyes to find darkness I won't see past this abyss Though, I try to trust Oh how I must You guide me down a path Of mysteries and wrath Blinded until the end Will I find you there, my friend Wait for me past the open green and blue For tomorrow, let's watch the light imbue

In the night your eyes Twinkle as I fall asleep. Dream of what once was Our careless reality. When life turned into Memories fading away, Sleep was my escape. Before my eyes shut, Pictures of you. Right in front of me, So far away. Your eyes last shut, Looking into mine. I disappeared into life, Your clothes stayed with me. Internally bare, I couldn't look. Walk out, was I leaving you? My head turned around, One last look, last forever. Please, time do not move. But time moved. Memories ensued. I feel with my heart, Your soft soul with me now. I see with my eyes, In front of me, behind me. You are here, but there. Guide me from above, bring peace. As a soft wind flows through grass, Where you once lay down, I think of our last goodbye, Dreaming of our next hello.

Words Moving memories forwards Bringing the past to present Written on paper Spoken by tongue Passed along one by one People relive moments After pouring out their soul Reshaping hearts whole Words Travel with the birds Bringing together This magical world Invented humans Made common sense Spreading love Shedding tears Prayers from up above Shaping friends Moving souls Creating emotions to enroll Poetic verses echoe in the street Wait for the day when all words meet Words Make nothing unheard For only one can Defeat a lifespan The first child hears Last to disappear As He moves forwards One presents itself Words

Find faces Don’t see pictures Don’t hear words Listen to voices, My little T R E E

Isolated by CL Orange moon luminous over the desolate highway It's 3 am No I'm not drunk Driving to providence to catch a flight This man is going the speed limit My mind wishes I could take control Burn up these empty streets So different than what I normally see Cars everywhere Now it's exciting if I see headlights Always coming towards me, never from behind

Rain Tonight by CL It's not raining But I can hear the magic The pitter patter on the roof The way it blankets me Makes me feel safe Inside the walls of my room Calm through the sounds of life The way it slowly drifts away So slowly I don't recollect it ending Opening a new beginning Where sunshine will pour  But some days, I will miss the rain The way it wrapped around me Made me feel special That's the danger with rain It comes and it goes And I'm left to dry myself off. As I try to forget the memories, Droplets remain on my windows.

Time Forgets by CL I wonder if Colors fade As memories Flow out of our midst Into an unknown abyss The green of a leaf Bright and happy in the spring Slowly becomes Dark and warlike to our minds As times rolls on Evolutions ensue The once white sand Is brown tomorrow The blue sky Is black next week The yellow sun Could be orange in a month The future is a guessing game The past is a mystery Tomorrow remembered now Forgotten next week